It's been over 18 months since I have written. This week has been rough and because I want to move forward not backward I feel like writing is a way for me to heal, be creative, move forward.
A lot has happened. So much so that I do not know where to start. I have a lot in my head, in my heart, in my soul that I would like to put down on paper but fear I will never have the time or courage.
Tonight there is a tugging at my heart . . . my desire to be a foster mother is becoming stronger and stronger with each year that goes by. I turned 39 this year and part of me grieved that I would not birth another baby from my body . . . or let's face it, it is very unlikely I will. With that grieving came the growing desire to foster.
I read foster blogs all the time. Adoption blogs are one of my favorite and not because I happen to be an adoption caseworker but because many adoptions I follow started out by fostering. I want to foster in the truest sense. I want to be a safe haven for children who need me. I know I will be heart broken but it's worth it to me. Autumn (my 13 year old) also has a desire to foster. She wants desperately to be a foster sister.
So why am I not fostering you may ask? There is a huge obstacle in the way . . . my sister. I live with my sister in her house with her three kids. She DOES NOT want to foster. In order to foster everyone in the house hold needs to agree to do it. I want to start praying. My prayer will be either my sister changes her mind or I move out. Both of these solutions seem impossible but I serve a mountian moving God so anything is possilbe right?