Saturday, July 27, 2013

Forgiven and Free

Tuesday I'm getting some new ink.  

I'm excited.  I love, love, love tattoos.  It makes me who I am now.  I'm unique and I am able to show the world my uniqueness by the ink on my skin. 

So that's Tuesday but today I have been sitting on the concept of forgiveness.  Why can't I forgive myself?  I can forgive everyone else.  I have forgiven my father for drinking too much when I was a kid.  I have forgiven my mom for enabling him (okay so I still struggle with this, I'm not perfect).  I have forgiven Rayne's dad for the hurtful words he has written me over the years and more importantly for his silence for the past 20 years.  I have forgiven Autumn's father for well not being a father.  I have forgiven friends that have hurt me.  I have forgiven guy after guy who have hurt me.  

There is one person I have not forgiven .... ME.

Because I have not forgiven myself for sins I have done I let these sins haunt me and then well . . . . I sin again.   It's a vicious cycle and I'm getting tired of it.  The freedom I feel when I'm not entrapped in sin is AMAZING.  Let me say it again . . . FREEDOM IS AMAZING.  So why, oh why can't I forgive myself long enough to stay FREE?  

I need to work on this.  I need to sink my teeth into what God says about forgiveness.  It's an insult really that I can't forgive myself.  It's an insult to God who gave his son to DIE for my life.  

HE FORGAVE ME.  Period. End of story.  I AM FORGIVEN.  I AM FREE.  

I need to stop looking back and move forward.  Today I started to let go. I started to feel that feeling of freedom again.  It felt great.  

Tuesday I'm getting fresh ink . . . forgiveness and freedom will be my theme.  I figure having an instant reminder of God's forgiveness and freedom tattooed on my body should help me with my daily struggle.  Tattoos are not just body art to me but they are healing and my way of telling the world my story.  

(Stay tuned)

1 comment:

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