Friday, May 27, 2011


Wednesday, May 25, 2011


Autumn, Rayne and I went to the Dentist yesterday.  The hygienist asked Autumn how many times a day does she brush her teeth . . . Autumn shouted . . .


I guess that explains the 6 cavities they found!  Good thing my best friend is our dentist!!!


After working with Adoptive Families for the past 11 years the Adoption Agency I work for has asked me to consider becoming a Birth-family Caseworker!  Originally I never did work with birth mothers because when I started I was a single mom of a 1 and 6 year old so my flexibility just wasn't there.  Eleven years later I'm a single mom of an 11 and 17 year old and I do have the flexibility.

I am both nervous and excited about this!!!!  I'm going into talk to them about it this week!!!  WOO HOO to new adventures!!!!

Saturday, May 21, 2011


I believe in medication. 

I also believe in the divine power of my God who can heal all things . . . if He wanted to.  I also believe sometimes we are not healed for a reason, that we must go through certain things for a BIGGER cause, one we might not even see before we die. 

I have never prayed for Autumn to be "cured" from her Autism, ADHD, or ODD.  Not because I don't think God could do it . . . okay maybe I do have some doubt . . . but mostly because I it never crossed my mind to pray for a cure.  When someone has a physical ailment the first thing I do is pray.  So why, when someone is suffering mentally do I shy away from prayer? 

I have never prayed for myself to be "cured" from my depression.  Have I rebuked Satan and asked him to get behind me when I'm at the depths of despair?  Absolutely!  Has it worked? Absolutely!  So why, when I'm suffering mentally do I shy away from prayer?

Am I too dependant on medication?  I don't think I am.  Medication for me is not my substitute for calling on Jesus.  It's not my substitute for relying on God.  I believe God gave me the medication as a way to survive.  I also believe that God gave Autumn her medications as a way to survive.

I changed Autumn's medication last week.  She went from Respridal to Geodon.  Both are atypical anti-psychotic medications that treat schizophrenia and bi-polar however the FDA has recently approved these medications for children with Autism.  With out them Autumn would be a wreck. 

The transition has been smooth.  She had one day that she did not have any medication in her system ... that was a bad day.  Her hyper-sensitivity to sound was at a level so high I thought she was going to craw out of her skin.  Every time someone chewed food she would freak out and cover her ears.  I then gave her the Geodon 20mg starting one time a day on Sunday.  Nights were rough but I couldn't give her a second dose until we knew she was doing ok on the Geodon.  Today she got the 3pm dose and it's been great.

The best part about the switch???  It had the affect I wanted, her appetite is back to normal and hopefully she will now lose some of the weight she gained on the Resperdal.

The worst part about the switch???  Geodon does not have a generic so instead of paying $15 like I did for the Risperdal I have to pay $100!!!  It's a sin.  Thank goodness my parents have offered to pay my co-pay for me.  They are such a blessing.

So for now Autumn and I are staying on our medications and we are better for it.  We are able to love each other and other people and I believe God intended it that way. 

Friday, May 20, 2011

My wonder drug?

I don't want to jinx myself but I have been in an extremely good mood lately!!!!!  YIPPEE!!!!  When I went for my annual GYN exam at my Midwife's office I discussed my method of birth control.  Over the past 2 years I have tried 3 types of birth control pills, each time I went on the pill I became severely depressed.  I'm not in a relationship now so I don't need birth control but I'm a planner and with my two past pregnancies being totally not planned I like to be proactive and take precaution.  I know this might be controversial, especially since I'm a single Christian woman but this is between me and God, not anyone else.

SOOOOO anyway my midwife and I decided that the Depo-Provera shot would be good for me.  I was on it years ago and did not have any ill side effects so we decided to give it a shot (no pun intended:)!!!  My midwife thinks that Estrogen is my enemy . . . all the pills I tried had Estrogen in them, even the lowest dose pill made me depressed.  The Depo shot does not have any Estrogen, just Progesterone, which has a calming effect in some women.  So 2 weeks ago I got my first shot. 

I've been waiting, and waiting for the down feeling I usually get.  Praise GOD I feel great!!!!  I'm so motivated, so energized, and no down feelings!!!!! 

Could the Depo Shot be my wonder drug??????

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


For Mother's Day we took these photos for my MOM!!!!

The 3 daughters!  Jill (42), Hilary (41), and Me (37)!!!

The 7 Grandkids!

Rayne (17), Aedan (11), Autumn (11), Teddy (10), Riley (6), Jake (5), Lucy (4)


We are blessed they are growing up together!


Rayne Theodora #1- The 1st grandchild (born to ME), spoiled for 5 1/2 years before another came along!

Aedan Shea #2- The 1st grandson, finally a boy to Hilary!

Autumn Grace #3- Born 4 months after Aedan to ME!

Theodore John #4- Born on September 11, 2000 one year after Autumn to Hilary!

Riley Ella #5- Born 4 years after Teddy to Hilary!

Jake Theodore #6- Born 8 months after Riley to Jill!

Lucy Elizabeth #7- Last but not least born 15 months after Jake to Jill!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Weight . . . UGH!

My heart is breaking.  I'm also filled with guilt.  Autumn has gained so much weight over the past 2 years and I can't help but blame myself.  I have also gained so much weight in the last 2 years, weight that I shouldn't be gaining becausae I had a gastric bypass in 2008.  I can't blame anyone but myself for this.

So the story begins in June 2009 when I decided to put Autumn on Risperdone.  It's an anti-psychotic drug used to help kids with symptoms of Autism.  It did wonders for her instantly and I was so happy we tried it.  Here Autumn is in 2009 right when she started the drug.  She is so skinny here (largely due to Adderal, which she takes for her ADHD). 

Autumn June 2009- Just started Risperdone

So the weight started to creep on slowly.  I didn't notic it at first but if you look at pictures through the months and years you can see it coming on.

December 2009
 By August 2010, 1 year after she started the Risperdone she gained about 50 pounds.  Not healthy or good, still I didn't really pay it any mind.

August 2010
 Autumn is going through puberty too, which can't help.  She hates her body.  She hates that it's maturing.  She hates having breasts, underarm hair, pupic hair.  She hates growing up. 

Autumn December 2010
 This is a current photo of Autumn.  She is beautiful.  She is smart and funny and she still hates growing up!  She is approximately 80 pounds overweight.  She can not satisfy her hunger.  I finally am set on changing her medication.  We have tried changing it 2 times before but I couldn't handle her outbursts so I put her back on teh Risperdone.  This time I'm going to stick to my guns and play it out.  It will probably be torture but I want to help her out a little bit with her weight. 
Autumn May 2011
 Her psychiatrist gave me two drugs to research and decide on.  We have already tried Serequel, didn't like it.  Now it's between Abilify and Geodon.  I have researched and researched and I'm still not sure which one to pick.  Both are heavy duty anti-psychotics, both have the potential for weight gain.  I hate having to decide.  I just wish she was "normal".  I just wish I could control her on my own.  I'm so heavy hearted about this.  The more I read about hese medications the more depressed I get that my 11 year old is on them!!!!  Ugh!!!!  
Me and my girls, May 2011
I love my Autumn.  I just want her to be healthy.  Having 80 extra pounds is not healthy.  I have 80 extra pounds on me too.  We need to get healthy.  I need to do this for Autumn and for Rayne.  I need to get motivated!  I need to decide which drug I'm switching Autumn to.  I need a lot of things . . . UGH!