I've made my decision about India. Really I came to the conclusion a while ago but have been too chicken to say it out loud. Thank goodness I have so many godly people praying for me and supporting me. I'm excited about what God is going to do in my family this year. Everyday I am learning to really TRUST in Him. It's SOOOO HARD!!!! He is in total control,there is nothing I can do about it so I might as well just submit. I feel like I'm participating on one of those "trust falls". Have you ever participated in this "team building" activity. You know, you stand up on a platform and about 6 people stand behind you and you have to fall backwards into their arms. You need to TRUST them to catch you. That's what I feel like, it's that feeling, that drop in my stomach before letting go, before crossing my arms, closing my eyes and releasing my body to fall backwards into the hands of someone else. Wow, it's kinda exciting but a whole lot of nerve wracking.
Here is my email I sent to the people at Sarah's Covenant Homes.
Hello Theresa and Sarah,
I wanted to give you the heads up on something that I have been wrestling with over the past couple of months. God has laid on my heart that He wants me to stay here instead of going to India. He is doing a great work in me and my children. I believe that he wants to use the 3 weeks I was going to go to India to help restore and strengthen the relationship I have with my 17 year old daughter. Our relationship is good but it could be better and I could be doing a better job with showing her the love of Christ so that she will have a stronger relationship with Him. I have already begun this work with my daughter and am excited to see how this is all going to pan out.
This decision not to come to India at this time has been very hard. I am heart broken and have been wrestling trying to decipher whether it was coming from God or Satan. I have had many people praying for my decision and it has been made clear my family has to come before India at this time. I am so sorry I have to postpone.
But don't give up on me yet!!!! I will continue to support your mission with prayer. I also have 200 brochures that I plan to do a mass mailing to all my contacts in hopes that I will get you some more fiscal support. And my trip is postponed for now but not cancelled, I still feel like one day I will arrive to help your homes. With much love in my heart thank you for all you do.
So there you have it. I feel a sort of relief that I got this over with. I was so nervous about sending the email. I feel like I have let them down. God knows and He has great plans for both me, my family, and Sarah's Covenant Homes.