Sunday, January 30, 2011

Breaking Free of Depression and Fear

There is so much to write about!!!!

First off, did you see my weight loss ticker up above!!!???!!!  I have lost a total of 15.2 pounds so far!!!!!!!!  YEAH ME!!!!!!   I am so delighted.  I have started to work out again too!!!  Yesterday I ran/walked 2 miles!  I'm on my way.  

It's funny that this week I have not run to food once.  This might have contributed to my MONSTROUS MOUNTAINOUS MISCHIEVOUS DEPRESSION I went through this week.  Praise the Lord it is has passed!!! YIPPEE!   My two friends Tracey and Marc really got me through it.  They have been praying for me hard.  Finally Friday night I had to rebuke Satan out loud in order for me to fall asleep.  Those of you who do not suffer from depression will not understand this.  Depression is REAL and HARD and SCARY.  I am so glad I know my body, mind, and soul now and know how to get through it.  It's not easy but I have learned so much about my self and how to take care of myself.

Interestingly enough I have realized that I am finally working through my problems, my demons, my insecurities without food.  Funny it has taken me 2 years post-op to do this but God has his reasons and his timing!  I'm just tickled PINK that I'm actually not running to food anymore. 

On another note Autumn is doing really well.  I see her growth more and more.  Two things happened today that I would like to recognize.  First off, at church she was so well behaved.  I'm blessed with a church that doesn't mind that Autumn sits on the floor sometimes in order to get comfortable :).  Today Autumn brought her mini drum and her shaker.  She loves playing the drums and we have an AWESOME drum player that she likes watching.  So today she played along, she was very shy about it but she'll get there.  The other thing she did at church was go get hot chocolate by herself!!!  She is stretching her wings and I'm so glad she is comfortable enough in our church to  go off on her own. 

The second thing that happened to day was that we started to desensitize her to dogs.

My friend Tracey has two dogs.  One pitbull named Geezy and one black lab named Blizzard.  Tracey is the mother to Autumn's best friend Julia.  Autumn will not go over Julia's house because of the dogs.  Autumn's fear of dogs has gotten worse and worse so today I decided enough is enough we are going to do something about it. 

We left Blizzard in the kitchen behind the gate and True (Tracey's boyfriend) got Geezy out.  Autumn was petrified.  She cried, hid, she clung on to me for dear life.  Geezy is a sweetheart.  He is a gentle giant and he is more scared of you then you are of him. 

Rayne loves him, as you can see in the picture above.  He kept kissing her and we wanted to get a picture but every time Tracey took the picture he would turn his head!

I have come to the conclusion that dogs scare Autumn because 1) they are loud when they bark (she does not like loud noises unless she is the one making them) and 2) they are unpredictable (she doesn't know where they are going or what they want).  Fear is the main emotion of Autism so if you remember that you can see why a dog would scare Autumn. 

She never touched the dog today but she did stay in the room with us for the full 20 minutes.  We all pet and talked to him and she watched.  At one point she was calm enough to say, "He's tired" because he yawned.

I decided I'm going to bring her over every week to do this.  I'll make sure she has her medication in her (today she didn't because we went over right from church) which will also help her to relax a little. 

My girl is growing and so is her momma!!!!!

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