This is how I feel most of the time, for most of my life.
I have always felt like the black sheep of my family, of my friends, of my schools, of my work.
Don't get me wrong, I definitely "fit in". I'm no social outcast. I have great friends and family who love me but I feel like my inner being, my soul is different then everyone else's.
Let me take that back. I have a very small group of friends who "get" me. Like . . . really get me. This is a very small group, maybe even two or three.
I love deep.
I hurt deep.
I forgive, a lot.
I see the good in EVERYONE.
I trust way too easily.
I love the messy side of following Jesus.
I love broken, messed up, not perfect people.
I love to be different.
I hate injustice.
I hate racism.
I hate judgementalism (is that a word?).
I love my family.
I struggle to love some family members more than others.
I mess up, all the time, and I admit it.
My heart is broken right now.
I want to save the world.
I am happiest when I'm "doing" something to help others.
I can be friends with just about anyone.
It doesn't bother me that someone has different views than me, different skin color, a different religion, different sexuality, different political stance, a different kind of family, or a different lifestyle.
My job is not to change anyone, my job is to live the TRUTH.
Unfortunately my TRUTH right now, this moment, is not TRUTH at all. It's DEPRESSION. I have been going through major depression since Sunday. So much so that I have been crying everyday.
Last night was the worst. I cried with my friend Tracey in her bed for what seemed like all night. Then I got home and cried some more. Thank God for my friends. My friend Marc gave me this verse to help me through my tough time. I wrote it on an index card and I keep it in my pocket at all times.
1 Peter 5:10
And the God of all grace,
who called you to his eternal glory in Christ,
after you have suffered a little while,
will HIMSELF restore you and make you