Thursday, January 13, 2011

17 years ago . . .

i was 19
pregnant
13 days past my due date

we had a full house
all 3 sisters lived at home
with my parents

hilary lived in the attic
she just graduated college
she had a new job up north

jill and i shared connecting bedrooms
a nursery was made in my childhood bedroom
the theme was black and white pandas
with bright primary colored beach balls

i did not know the sex of my baby
although i knew you were a girl
the ultrasound tech confirmed my suspicions
no one caught on but me

Isaiah Theodore would be your name
if you were a boy

i craved Cool Ranch Doritos
and Sprite
i was enrolled full time at Brookdale Community College

i gave a speech on natural child birth
i gave it 8 days before my due date
i got an A

it was a Wednesday
13 days past my due date
my grandma came for dinner
she was a widow, my grandpa died in June
we had spagetti


6:00pm i didn't feel right
thought it was the spaghetti
by 8:30pm the pain got worse
i finally figured out i was in labor

up all night
rocking in the rocking chair in the dining room
jill, my oldest sister your aunt, was up with me
she was my birthing coach
we went to Lamaze together

at 4:00am contractions stopped
the doctor said it was false labor
4:15am water broke
on the recliner in the living room
jill fried an egg, she's hungry
it made me want to puke

5:20am jill, my mom, and i head to the hospital
jill drives
we are in a honda civic
it was maroon
i felt every pot hole she hit
i can't believe this is happening
hilary can't go, she just started her new job
she is very disappointed
so am i
i want all my sisters with me

5:45am we arrive at the hospital
i am set up in the pre-admission room
getting ready to go to the ABC room
(Alternative Birthing Center)
my intent was no drugs, least invasive

pain is so bad i throw up
it's not pretty
i go to the bathroom to get changed
come out and no one is there
they are taking care of my birthing coach (jill)
she fainted in the hall way
she will never live this down

before i can go to the ABC room
i need to be cleared
your heart rate keeps dropping
they lose it
internal monitor is inserted on your head
okay, heart beat found

labor too fast and too strong to move
i decide to stay where i'm at
thank God my mom is there
i hold her hand the whole time
she is my God sent
i love her

8:25am I'm ready to push
1 set of pushes (4 in a row)
head is out!
2nd set of pushes (4 in a row)
baby out!!!!
8:32am

it's a girl!!!!
i knew it
you are perfect

your forehead is blue
the cord was around your neck
a quick kiss from me
and you're off to get oxygen in the nursery

while you're in the nursery
i don't feel so great
i can't hear anyone in the room
i faint
i'm hemorrhaging and they don't know why
an intern is able to stabilize me

it happens again
i can't hear anyone
i begin to faint
grandma is with you
they escort jill out of my room
she is scared for me
they have blood on hand just in case
i continue to hemorrhage

they catheterize me
it takes 3 people to hold me down
i'm finally stable but have lost a lot of blood
i'm moved to a room for observation
i remember the lights on the ceiling in the hallway
jill is whispering to grandma
the room is dark
i'm completely out of it

16 hours later
you, my baby, are brought to me
i'm weak but okay
i love you

i am fine
you are fine
Praise God
perfect
10 fingers, 10 toes
a small skin tag hanging off your right earlobe
an "angel kiss" on your right eye lid
straight black hair
dark brown eyes
little chubby mocha body
8 pounds, 14 ounces

i name you rayne theodora
i love the rain, especially thunderstorms
theodora is after your grandfather
and your great grandfather
my father
and my grandfather

Rayne Theodora
January 13, 1994
you are extraordinary
student- 11th grader at Neptune High School
smart- you get A's and B's without any help
talented- you are in the school plays and musicals
athletic- you play soccer for high school and traveling for Toms River Blast
strong- you have underwent 3 knee surgeries
motivated- you want to be a nurse . . . maybe
intellectual- you love history and english
lovestruck- you have been dating John for almost a year

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