Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Quit Faking It

So my friend Courtney over at Storing Up Treasures just wrote an EXCELLENT post about faking it.

She writes about faking it:

"It is particularly an issue in the Christian circles. It is like if we admit we are completely and utterly human - than we somehow are disappointing everyone. I get tired of it. And I don't think it is being a good witness despite what some people think. You can argue with me all you want. But, God cannot be glorified in our prideful, pretending selves. He is glorified in our weakness. He is glorified when we are willing to say I'm really screwed up. That is why we need Jesus. I mean if we really had it all together like we pretend to, what on earth would we need Him for?"

So here it goes . . .

I am really screwed up and I too Jesus something fierce!

Here are some of the things I fake:
~ I fake being happy. Really most people are surprised to find out I take anti-depressants. "You laugh all the time, you are so cheery, I would never think that." Truth is I suffer from terrible depression. Right now I am depressed. Right now I don't want to go to work. Right now I want to go home and get in bed and sleep.

~ I fake that I pray a lot. I always tell people I'll pray for them, their lucky if I give a 2 second prayer up to God. It really sucks. I want to be a prayer warrior, truth is I'm not, I suck at praying.

~ I'm a hoarder and a horrible house keeper. Right now my house and living area looks great because my bedroom and my kids bedrooms were just flooded so we were forced to get rid of most things but the truth is I keep everything and unfortunately so does Autumn. I filled up a small dumpster with "stuff" all of which had no real value. I hate picking up the house. I hate doing dishes. I will leave dirty dishes in the sink for days, it doesn't bother me. I don't make my bed or make my kids make their beds, and it doesn't bother me. I don't put my clothes in the hamper and it doesn't bother me. Sure I love a clean house but I'd much rather curl up on the couch and read a magazine then clean.

~ I live paycheck to paycheck. I have no savings and no college funds for my kids. When it was really tough I emptied my kids savings accounts and haven't been able to replace the money I took.

~ The amount of money both my sister's make, makes me mad. I have the highest education in my family and I make the least. Yes it is a choice, yes I am a social worker, yes I work for a non-profit agency but it still makes me really mad that my sisters and brother-in-law make so much more than me. I have my masters and am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and I make the least!!!!! I have the most resonsibility and I make the least!!!!! It doesn't seem fair to me.

~ I fake it big time with my kids. Half the time I don't listen and just nod my head and say yes. It's horrible, I'm a space cadet some days. My 16 year old calls me on it now, not the best example of communication!!!! Sometimes just them leaning on me makes my skin crawl. I just want to be left alone sometimes. I don't like them all the time. I yell and I get an attitude. Somedays I suck as a mom.

~ Over the past 3 years I have become someone who doesn't follow through. I hate these kinds of people and I am now admitting that I have become one of them. I'll say yes to almost anything and in the past I have follow through with most of my "yes'" but lately I don't even do that.

~ I act like I'm a huge advocate for Autism, but honestly I just don't have the time to put into it. I wish I did. I wish I could learn all I need to learn for Autumn's sake but I don't. I don't read much about it and I envy the blogs I read that are dedicated to Autism and their children. I'm guess I'm just tired. Tired of talking about it when I have to live with it.

There is much more truth to me, I'll continue on when I have more time, you know like when I'm not cleaning my house!

Courtney wants to start a Mommy revolution. Will you join us and quit faking it? Will you start blogging about your real life and not the life you want us all to believe you are living?

"And if you want to stop faking it. Copy the code below. Add this button to your blog. Or better yet, write your own "Quit Faking it" post and post the button there. Encourage your readers to quit faking it too."


Anonymous said...

Way to go being real!

Anonymous said...

ME TOO, ME TOO, ME TOO. skin crawling, head nodding, no money, suck at being a mom {sometimes}.
i came across your blog, don't know how, and i liked it. i don't have a blog but i wanted to let you know you are not alone and yea for being real.
bonnye in w sacramento