Friday, March 5, 2010

10 Happy Things!

What are 10 things that make you happy????

Here are mine:

1) Thunder and lightning. I love the rain (hence my daughter's name, RayneJ). I even have a CD of thunder storms, it's one of my favorites, so relaxing. I especially love a midday thunder storm, there really is nothing that makes me happier!

2) The perfect summer day at the beach. I love the kind of day where you spend the afternoon down by the ocean, when it hits 5:00pm and the life-guards get everyone out of the water then leave for the day, we just sit there during low tide with our feet in the water, or in a circle talking to one another, eating dinner we packed for the occasion. The kids can swim and play and all the bennies have gone home, only the locals remain. It really is a perfect time, lounging about with the sand in between your toes. Perhaps I could work on cross-stitch or read a magazine. Ahhhh I can't wait!

3) ChapStick makes me happy. I really only like the original kind, you know the kind in the black tube. Nothing is better then smackin' my lips with some good ol' ChapStick . . . really I'm smiling now just thinking about it!

4) Newborn babies make me happy. I LOVE the newborn stage. My sister hates it, she'd much rather deal with a toddler. Not me, I love holding and caring for a newborn. I love rocking a baby to sleep and falling asleep myself while they sleep on my chest.

5) Photography. I love pictures, all kinds. I love looking at my own photographs and I love looking at other people's photos even if I don't know them. There is so much you can tell from a picture and then again there is so much to interpret. I guess that's what I like about it, I often wonder what others think of my pictures if they don't know me.

6) Burnt food. I LOVE burnt food and it makes me so happy to eat it! In our house, if we make cookies I will take the cookies out and then put back a few in the oven so they can get really dark and crisp. Interestingly I like my meat cooked medium-rare, this is the only exception, otherwise please make my food extra crispy!!!!

7) Autumn's laugh makes me extremely happy, not only her laugh but her smile. To have a daughter who is tortured by diagnosis after diagnosis and who is not comfortable in her own skin sometimes, to have her laugh and smile is the best feeling in the world. She has a really, really great laugh, it cracks us all up, and her smile is straight from HeavenJ!!!

8) Fist-pumping with Rayne makes me happyJ! I'm cracking up right now thinking about it. There are key, popular songs on the radio, that when they play, creates a fist-pumping, dance-crazy, reaction for Rayne and I. If you are ever beside us in the car you will know when this reaction occurs, the music will be blasting, the car will be rocking, and you will see both front seat passengers pumping their fists and dancing to the beat!!!!

9) Being alone makes me happy. I love having alone time, not in an anti-social way but just a quiet afternoon is just grand!

10) Being Jesus' hands makes me happy. I love serving God, I'd much rather get my hands dirty then "preach" about God.

Soooo???? What are you waiting for? What makes you happy??????

Thursday, March 4, 2010

My little hoarder!

Autumn is a hoarder. I suppose its all part of her PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) or a learned trait from her momma, but the truth is she LOVES HER STUFF!!!!

My sister was throwing out a dried flower wreath and Autumn just HAD to have some of the dried flowers. Hilary did her best to slowly pry the flowers from Autumn's little fingers but she managed to save a few flowers for her room. Since our flood we threw out everything in autumn's room except for the necessities and her most favorite toys. Slowly things are creeping back in. What she has managed to get back in her room so far:

  • Shoe box from Hilary's room she just HAD to have.
  • 12 sheets of paper with stickers on them.
  • Bunch of dried flowers.
  • 2 books she took from our "give away" bins.

Now this might not seem like a lot to you but this is only the start. These items will multiply and soon we will have the same hoarding situation like before the flood. I believe it all has to do with anxiety. It's her way of controlling her environment.

On another anxiety note Autumn has been obsessing about Middle School again.

SHE IS IN 4th GRADE FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She cried herself to sleep last night thinking about it. She's going to get lost, she won't know how to get on the bus, she won't know how to get to the nurse to take her meds, she won't know who to get to class, she won't know how to find her locker. I keep reassuring her that I will make sure she knows all these things, that she has an IEP and her caseworker will work with her to make sure she's okay. This doesn't help. At least she has only contained it to Middle School. I use to hear about High School and College too.

In two years I will have a hoarding middle-schooler on my hands!!!! LORD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Quit Faking It

So my friend Courtney over at Storing Up Treasures just wrote an EXCELLENT post about faking it.

She writes about faking it:

"It is particularly an issue in the Christian circles. It is like if we admit we are completely and utterly human - than we somehow are disappointing everyone. I get tired of it. And I don't think it is being a good witness despite what some people think. You can argue with me all you want. But, God cannot be glorified in our prideful, pretending selves. He is glorified in our weakness. He is glorified when we are willing to say I'm really screwed up. That is why we need Jesus. I mean if we really had it all together like we pretend to, what on earth would we need Him for?"

So here it goes . . .

I am really screwed up and I too Jesus something fierce!

Here are some of the things I fake:
~ I fake being happy. Really most people are surprised to find out I take anti-depressants. "You laugh all the time, you are so cheery, I would never think that." Truth is I suffer from terrible depression. Right now I am depressed. Right now I don't want to go to work. Right now I want to go home and get in bed and sleep.

~ I fake that I pray a lot. I always tell people I'll pray for them, their lucky if I give a 2 second prayer up to God. It really sucks. I want to be a prayer warrior, truth is I'm not, I suck at praying.

~ I'm a hoarder and a horrible house keeper. Right now my house and living area looks great because my bedroom and my kids bedrooms were just flooded so we were forced to get rid of most things but the truth is I keep everything and unfortunately so does Autumn. I filled up a small dumpster with "stuff" all of which had no real value. I hate picking up the house. I hate doing dishes. I will leave dirty dishes in the sink for days, it doesn't bother me. I don't make my bed or make my kids make their beds, and it doesn't bother me. I don't put my clothes in the hamper and it doesn't bother me. Sure I love a clean house but I'd much rather curl up on the couch and read a magazine then clean.

~ I live paycheck to paycheck. I have no savings and no college funds for my kids. When it was really tough I emptied my kids savings accounts and haven't been able to replace the money I took.

~ The amount of money both my sister's make, makes me mad. I have the highest education in my family and I make the least. Yes it is a choice, yes I am a social worker, yes I work for a non-profit agency but it still makes me really mad that my sisters and brother-in-law make so much more than me. I have my masters and am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and I make the least!!!!! I have the most resonsibility and I make the least!!!!! It doesn't seem fair to me.

~ I fake it big time with my kids. Half the time I don't listen and just nod my head and say yes. It's horrible, I'm a space cadet some days. My 16 year old calls me on it now, not the best example of communication!!!! Sometimes just them leaning on me makes my skin crawl. I just want to be left alone sometimes. I don't like them all the time. I yell and I get an attitude. Somedays I suck as a mom.

~ Over the past 3 years I have become someone who doesn't follow through. I hate these kinds of people and I am now admitting that I have become one of them. I'll say yes to almost anything and in the past I have follow through with most of my "yes'" but lately I don't even do that.

~ I act like I'm a huge advocate for Autism, but honestly I just don't have the time to put into it. I wish I did. I wish I could learn all I need to learn for Autumn's sake but I don't. I don't read much about it and I envy the blogs I read that are dedicated to Autism and their children. I'm guess I'm just tired. Tired of talking about it when I have to live with it.

There is much more truth to me, I'll continue on when I have more time, you know like when I'm not cleaning my house!

Courtney wants to start a Mommy revolution. Will you join us and quit faking it? Will you start blogging about your real life and not the life you want us all to believe you are living?

"And if you want to stop faking it. Copy the code below. Add this button to your blog. Or better yet, write your own "Quit Faking it" post and post the button there. Encourage your readers to quit faking it too."