Do you believe God speaks to you? I mean really speaks to you?
I want to talk to you honestly. I'm afraid I have not been that honest in my blogs, maybe it's because I fear you will judge me, whoever "you" maybe that is reading this. Perhaps I am afraid I will offend someone, as I have in the past over my blog. Perhaps I'm afraid to really let "me" shine through. The truth is I'm tired. The truth is I don't think I can afford not to be honest on here. I have always been a writer. In high school and college I wrote poetry to show the world my "truth". After I graduated from college I stopped writing, not for lack of material but perhaps lack of time? I had 2 small children when I graduated with my masters so with a 6 year old and a newborn I stopped writing.
So anyway on to what I was asking you. Do you believe God speaks to you? If I'm honest I don't think I truly believed that . . . until this weekend.
God brought me to my knees. Literally, over the toilet bowl, on my knees, puking up my intestines. He had me sitting on the toilet as well, not only did I have a stomach virus that made me throw-up the contents of my stomach for 20 hours straight,He also blessed me with diarrhea for 48 hours straight. God spoke to me.
I know it might seem totally bizarre to some people that God would choose to speak to me through such a disgusting bodily function as vomiting and diarrhea but the truth is He did, He was there. In fact before I realized it was Him I was actually crying out to Him, "Why me, Lord, what did I do?"
You see in that moment the Holy Spirit spoke to me. Literally spoke to me. He told me to "Step Back" . . . "Create Space". I've been dating a great guy. This weekend we spent some time together. Then I got deathly ill . . . yes God was telling me to take a break from this relationship.
Now I could have resisted.
I could have told myself I was crazy to think that a stomach virus was the Holy Spirit speaking.
I could have told myself, I'm just sick, it will pass, he's a great guy.
I could have not listened.
But guess what????
I have chosen to listen. I have chosen to go with my gut . . . well go with the Holy Spirit.
I listened. I told him I needed space.
Then I cried. And cried, and cried. But guess what, God is with me. He knows what is in store for me and I'm willing to take the chance that Holy Spirit spoke to me.
It's pretty exciting. Really, scary. Pretty amazing. Pretty hurtful. Pretty raw. Pretty real.
So does God speak to you?