Thursday, May 28, 2009


Ugg I have so much to do. Do you ever feel like it's pointless to even start because there is just so much to do???? That's how I feel.

Autumn had a good day today. She complained in the AM about going to school but I don't acknowledge her complaints anymore . . . I just continue to get her ready for the day. She is on day 2 of being Dairy-Free. This morning she had Gluten-Free cereal with Rice Milk, she loved it! This evening I cooked her dinner with Soybean Margarine and it was quite tasty. I'm excited to get her totally off Dairy and Wheat . . . I pray it will help her symptoms.

Here is a short list of what I need to do this weekend . . . I'm exhausted already!!!!
Friday- Work: still preparing for my BIG STATE INSPECTION on June 8th
Run: still in-training for a 5K, first one is June 20th, the countdown begins!
Concert: going to a free Christian Concert with a friend, can't wait!

Saturday- Work: Adoption home-study, this is my second meeting with this couple
after that I have to write their report!
Work: Spend time at one of my group homes preparing for the INSPECTION!
Food Drive: Our church is collecting food at a local Foodtown, I
volunteered to man the booth!
Babysit: my friends husband just got back from Iraq so I volunteered to
watch her son so they can catch up!

Sunday- Church: YIPPEE SKIPPEE can't wait!
Lunch: with friends
Work: at one of my other group homes preparing for the INSPECTION
Run: 5K is coming up!

Can't wait until my Inspection is over, then I can have my weekends back!!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

That's it . . . . our new diet!

Autumn was sent home from school today :(. She could not be controlled. She was on the floor kicking, drooling, and grunting. Sooooo I'm doing it, I'm taking the plung I have been putting off for 2 years, I'm changing her diet to Gluten/Casein Free and she is so excited to start!!! I'm glad she is because I'm dreading it but I have no other option . . . it's a last resort.


It appears that over the past 6 months Autumn has regressed quit a bit.

It is now to the point where she refused to speak to anyone besides our immediate family. She is not connecting to others, even those she knows and sees often. She has been with her teacher now since September and she does not have a connection to him, he reports she has maybe said 5 things to him all year. She is uncomfortable in other peoples houses unless it's ours, my sisters, or my mothers. She is becoming more and more rigid with where she sits (i.e. she has a certain seat she will sit in and no one else can sit there), who sits next to her, and who can touch or use her things.

Her outbursts are getting worse, not as bad as when she was 5 or 6 but we have now had to start physically removing her from the room. She is older, stronger, and bigger now so it is not an easy feat but Hilary and I are up for the battle. When she has a tantrum her fist goes in her mouth, she drools, the messier the better. If she is in a mood and someone tries talking to her she will grunt or refuse to answer. If she doesn't want to talk her arm goes up over her face or she hides in my lap if I'm near.

She's on Adderall for her ADHD. As soon as her medicine runs out she has a hard time dealing, we now have to make sure her next pill is on the way which is new for her, usually she does okay with the transition. Yesterday I told her to take her pills, I watched her put them in her mouth, then I went upstairs to take a shower, when I was done I came downstairs to find 2 wet pills on the stairs. She never does this, so I put them in her mouth and she took them. Adderall is extremely helpful. With it Autumn is able to cope better with the world around her, she is less irritable, less rigid and is able to function.

That is the bad news, the good news is that with all this going on Autumn remains to be a beautiful child. She has been doing extremely well at Jill and Steve's house and doesn't even need her medicine while there. She is a big help with her younger cousins who are 3 and 2 years old. She loves to garden and can plant for hours. She has planted a vegetable garden in our back yard and weeds and waters it faithfully. She enjoys planting all of the flowers Hilary has bought as well.

If you saw her when she is comfortable, with children she trusts such as our neighbor Michaela you would not know there was anything wrong with her. Or if you saw her with my immediate family or on the play ground at school you would think she is a typical kid but as soon as she is uncomfortable, as soon as there is no trust, as soon as it is different, or too overwhelming she shuts down.

I'm worried. Please Pray

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Mr. Trouwbottom Part 2

This is the continuation of my "wants" for Mr. Trouwbottom. I know he's out there I'm just waiting for God to show him to me. You can check out Part 1 HERE

14) Mr. Trouwbottom must love to pray. He must be comfortable praying with me. There's nothing I want more than a partner that will pray with me and for me. It's something I dream about.

15) He must be willing to accept Autism as part of his family. Because I have a daughter with Autism, ADHD, and ODD it means that the Mr. has to be very special, and understand or want to understand these disorders.

16) He must cherish the small things. In other words a card sent for no reason at all, a daisy left on my pillow, a kind word whispered in my ear when no one is looking.

17) Respected. He needs to be respected by God, his family, his church,and community. It says a lot about someone when they are respected. I think it's a huge compliment when someone tells me they respect me. I expect the same for my husband.

18) Thinks I'm beautiful. Well I am! So he should think so too!!!!

19) Goal in life is to raise a godly family. There's not much more that weighs heavily on my heart then raising a godly family. It's one of my primary goals in life and yet I too often fail at it. Mr. Trouwbottom must want this for our family as well!

20) Full confidence in me- trusts his wife. I want a team player, someone who stands by my side and sticks up for me, however if I'm wrong lets me know in the most loving constructive way.

21) Willing to talk. I'm a talker, I'm a communicator, I want to know what is on your mind!!!!! On the other hand I can be very quiet, not saying much for hours, it's a balance I suppose!!!

So that's my continued list. Pray with me on my journey to my match!!!!!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Today is my 35th BIRTHDAY!!!! It's also CINCO DE MAYO! I am so blessed! This weekend I participated in the NJ Marathon! My small group from church, "The Best Group Ever!" ran/walked the relay. We had 2 teams of 4 so we each had a partner. My leg was with my sista Danisha, we walk/ran 5.5 miles in 1 hour and 38 minutes, in the POURING RAIN!!!! And I don't mean a sprinkle, it was POURING and COLD!!! It was a great start to my 35th birthday!!!!!

Here is 35 things I want to accomplish this year . . .
1) Run an entire 5K. I've started to train this week. I'm excited and it feels so good.
2) Lose another 45 pounds, making my weight loss 165 total.
3) Live a life free of secrets and demons . . . I want to live in the light, once and for all!!!!
4) Finally paint my bedroom and hallways (I have had the paint for 7 months now!)
5) Simplify, simplify, simplify.
6) Come up with a filing system and stick to it.
7) Go on a mission trip, no matter how small or large . . . follow God's calling.
8) Fall in love :)
9) Pay off my debt to my parents and my sister.
10) Live debt free.
11) Save two full months of living expenses and but it in my online savings account so I won't be tempted to touch it!!!!
12) Become comfortable with telling my mom, dad, and sisters I love them on a regular basis. Strange but true we do not do this and I wish we did. I can tell my kids and my close friends I love them but for some reason it makes me feel really, really vulnerable to tell my family I love them.
13) Transform my living space into a space of tranquility and peace . . . somewhere I can pray, meditate and meet with my Savior on a daily basis.
14) Floss every day . . . one of my best friends is a dentist . . . I'm sure you wonder how I live with the guilt:)? I'm such a rebel!!!!
15) Send out Christmas Cards.
16) Put carpet down in Autumn and Rayne's room so they don't have to live with cold concrete floors for another year!!!!
17) Form a habit of prayer and devotion. I want to be in constant communication with God and look to his word each day.
18) Learn how to ice skate. I never learned when I was a kid . . . :( I was always the kid with boots on the lake!
19) Plant a vegetable garden.
20) Learn to drink water as a health practice, not a beverage! (My good friend Dan has been trying to teach me that for years!)
21) Somehow organized my pictures.
22) Complete my tattoo on my back.
23) Grow my hair into a new style.
24) Go on a solitude retreat. Meaning go away for a day or two by myself.
25) Start a trip fund for Rayne's High School Graduation Trip. SHe wants to go to LONDON!
26) Throw a lot of crap out!!!!!
27) Get my body checked for skin cancer!
28) Pray with my children
29) Go to the beach a lot this summer!
30) Have a fantastic Halloween Costume this year!
31) Start my poetry journal again.
32) Learn to like one new vegtable (yuck!).
33) Read more . . . I just never get around to it!
34) Love Jesus with all my heart, soul, and mind.
35) Live simply so that others may simply live ~ Ghandi