Thursday, February 26, 2009

Day 2 ---- Withdrawal

I swear I had a headache today because I'm going through withdrawal. I mean 2 days without Facebook and TV . . . it's a bit drastic!!!!

I got a lot done and have talked to God quit a bit. Today I also was able to straighten up the house, fold laundry, and put about 4 loads of laundry away. All of which would have been left for the weekend.

Today God and I had an interesting conversation, although I rambled on again and hardly listen I know that at some point He will teach me how to hear Him better. God and I often have a conversation in the shower, it has become one of my favorite places to meet Him. Today we chatted about some of the married couples that mean the most to me. I prayed for them, for their marriages and for God to meet them and help them fall deeper in love. Some of the lucky couples were my parents, my sister and husband, the ladies in my small group and their husbands, and my oldest daughter Rayne's dad and his wife.

It feels good to connect with God. It's only day 2 and have talked to Him more in 48 hours than I have in a couple of weeks. I guess fasting really does fill you up in more ways then one!!!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Fasting, Rambling, and Maya Angelou

Today started the first day of my TV diet. I have chosen to follow God's prompting and fast for 40 days. I have chosen to fast T.V. and Facebook . . . I am addicted to both. The T.V. fast I have decided to not be as strict . . . Facebook is cold turkey, no Facebook for 40 days . . . period. To resist temptation I made sure I will not be notified if anyone leaves anything on my wall or emails me. I left my last message yesterday.

My TV fast is a little more lenient but will have a big impact. I'm not going cold turkey but I have decided I will only watch TV if it has a purpose. Another words no PASSIVE boob tube watching. For example if my kids want to watch a movie I will be happy to join in on the family time. Another example is Monday nights. This is the night I usually spend time with my bestest Sarah. When we are together we usually watch TV. Other then that I will not turn on the TV but instead spend time with God, my kids, or bettering myself.

Here is a quote I got off of a website that discussed fasting, it pretty much sums up why I am fasting:
"When you are fasting, you need to be praying at the same time. The point of a fast is to grow closer to God and get in touch with the Holy Spirit. It is a time to listen and pray. Every time you turn to do whatever it is you have given up, you remind yourself to spend time in prayer and focus on the Lord. It is important that your times away from whatever you gave up are focused on God. Otherwise, you are just going through period of deprivation, not a spiritual discipline."

So I know your all wondering what I did with my time tonight! I arrived home at 8pm, I helped Autumn with her school work, straightened up the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Folded 3 loads of laundry, and blogged. It is now only 10:57pm and I'm ready to go to bed. Usually none of this would have been done and I would be falling asleep on the couch to a stupid TV show. OHHHH I almost forgot the most important thing!!!!!!!!! When I was folding the 3 loads of laundry I did not have the tv on and you know what I did? I talked to God!!!! Yep I used my time to connect to Him. We had a pretty normal conversation and if felt good to connect, over the next 40 days I'm going to work on listening to Him. I kind of rambled on tonight and didn't let Him get in a word!

Why did I get home so late tonight? Maya Angelou!!!I still can't believe it, I got to go see Maya Angelou speak! She was fantastic, she spoke for a little over an hour and she was so inspiring! She is 80 years old now and soooo funny. I didn't realize how funny she is! When I got home I researched her life a little more and was amazed at her life. I definitely need to read her autobiography!

Wow what a great night! Fasting, rambling, and Maya Angelou!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

T.V. Diet

I'm considering going on a T.V. diet. I've been convicted of this many times in my past and one Easter I actually gave up TV for a week to prepare for Easter and it was actually a great time in my life.

I'm pretty much addicted to TV, although as I write this I'm note sure I'm as addicted to TV or if I'm addicted to "vegging out". I think it's the "vegging out" I'm addicted to.

You see it is so tempting to just turn on the boob-tube and veg. My stressful job, my active kids, my co-parenting my neices and nephews, my everyday struggle with depression, my tendency to procrastinate . . . these add to my temptation.

My favorite shows right now are:
The Bachelor
Grey's Anatomy
Private Practice
Secret Life of an American Teenager
American's Next Top Model
Run's House
Amazing Race
John and Kate plus 8
Any documentary

The list can go on and on. The problem is that I watch these shows PLUS anything that is on the boob-tube to fill my time. To make matters worse is that in the last month I have gotten into the worst habit. I have actually started to fall asleep on the couch while watching TV, I then wake up at about 1:00am and then go downstairs to bed.
The worst part about this is that I am taking away time from God. Imagine if I even spent 1 30minute session of boobtube time and spent it with God, HOLY COW, how my life would change. So I think I am going to do it, the tv diet. I'll keep you updated!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Flashback Friday! Sticks and Stitches

This is Autumn on October 3, 2007, the day after she fell out of a tree and had a stick impaled into her thigh! On October 2, 2007 she was playing in our yard, climbing trees and she fell onto a sharp limb. There was not much bleeding and my dad (who was watching her) washed it off and
put a band-aid on it. He called me to let me know that she was ok. He then took her and all the kids to Rayne's soccer game.

When I got home from work around 6:30pm I took the band-aid off and literally gasped! There was a large hole in her thigh! I mean not a small gash but a LARGE hole!!! I told Autumn, "Ummm honey, we have to go to the Emergency Room!". It's funny with Autumn, she has so many struggles in life but in a real emergency she is fantastic! I told my dad, who felt bad, and to his defense I must say there was not much blood, as I later learned that there isn't much blood with a really deep wound like the one she had. So off we went to the ER. They took an x-ray to make sure nothing was in there and then cleaned it out, that was not fun! They then gave her about 12 shots of anesthetic to numb the area, that was not fun either. But I must say Autumn was calm and focused for most of it.

They ended up giving her 11 stitches, it was a irregular wound so it was messy, they had to put two internal stitches in first. The doctor in the ER that night let the resident do the stitching.

The next day I get a call from the radiologist that said he thinks he sees something in her x-ray and that we need to go see the pediatric surgeon just in case. So we go to the surgeon who puts her on antibiotic and says wait a week. We go back the next week and he doesn't like the looks of the wound so he says she will need surgery to remove what ever is in there.

But wait, on instinct, the doctor says he wants to take a look first. So he removed her stitches and puts his metal instrument in her wound (not fun, again!), and wouldn't you know he pulls out a 1 inch piece of wood!!!!! Now this was no ordinary wood but it actually had the two internal stitches the ER doctor stitched. In other words the ER doctor stitched the wood into Autumn's leg!!!!

The surgeon then put 4 new stitches and the wound healed nicely. Autumn has a large scar on her thigh. We love that scar, because not only was it the day she fell out of a tree but it was the same day she became a born-again Christian! The morning of October 2, 2007 she asked Jesus into her heart! It was a very happy day indeed, and she will always have a scar in remembrance of the sacrifice Christ made so she could be in Heaven forever!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Best Friends

I am amazed how awesome God is. Recently I have been "reunited" with people from my past. Rayne's dad and I just recently put our differences aside and we are now friends again. This was God's handy work not mine or his. I am amazed by the man of God Rayne's dad has become. It makes me so happy, I'm smiling right now. I was also reunited with one of my best friends from high school Paige. She too is a woman of God and it makes me so happy! God is SO GOOD!

It's funny how our spiritual lives fluctuate. I'm sure there are some "steady eddy's" out there but everyone I know has fluctuated when it comes to how close or far away they are to God. I am so fortunate to have the friends I do and now there are these two others from my past that I have to lean on during those times of fluctuation. These days I am concentrating on seeking Christ everyday, if I'm honest this is hard for me. I do not seek Him everyday. I'm to the point where I at least think about Him but do I truly seek Him? That's a good question.

What does it mean to seek Him? In the Bible it says "pray continuously", I would love to get to the point in my life where I prayed continuously. Not just in the bad times, in the stressed out times, in the "OH GOD I NEED YOU" times, but continuously, like a conversation I would have with my co-worker sitting across from me. I want to talk to Him over the little things, over the cute things, over the "My kids are killin' me" things. I guess I want to be His best friend. Up until this point I have not. I have a deep love and respect for Him but He hasn't been my best friend.

The more I read His Word the more I love Him. I struggle with this too. If I'm not in a Bible Study then I'm not keen on reading the Bible. I wish I was more like my mother, as far back as I can remember my mother has read the Bible EVERYDAY. She never misses a day. I would come downstairs to take a shower and there she would be sitting in the kitchen reading her Bible and praying! Wow. I never realized I wanted to be like my mother until now!!!

So I 'm on a road this year, a road to praying, reading, and becoming my savior's best friend!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Flashback Friday- Sisters

I love these pictures. These are pictures of a visit Rayne had with her father, step-mom, and sisters (from their marriage). Rayne is 9, her sister Serenity is 4, her sister Chantell is 12, and Autumn is 3.

Chantell and Rayne are two peas in a pod. They would kill me if they knew I posted this picture!

Autumn and Rayne's little sister Serenity were so cute. It was so nice that all 4 girls were able to spend time together. I remember this visit was also eye opening for Autumn. It was the first time she realized that she didn't have a daddy:(. Because Rayne's dad lives in another state Rayne and him don't get to visit often so on this visit Autumn was now old enough to realize who he was and his relationship to Rayne. Autumn asked, "Do I have a daddy?" It was sweet and heart breaking at the same time. Rayne's dad and step-mom have been great with Autumn. When ever they send Rayne a gift they always include a gift for her too.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

. . . even more than sleep

I love my job. I love sleep. I love my job more.

It all started when I was called at 4:30pm by one of my managers who said they lost the med cabinet keys. We trouble shooted and then when the keys did not turn up I left my house at 7:30pm to go get bolt cutters to cut the locks off the med cabinets so my clients could take their 8pm meds. Well I got all the way to my office to get the bolt cutters when I get the call that they finally found the keys!!!! Yeesh!

The next call I get was at 6:00pm. One of my other managers called me to tell me that his client, W, has been uncontrollably vomiting. I instructed him to call 911 and meet her at the hospital. At 12:00am he tells me that they are going to operate, only problem is that they can't get in touch with her sister or her State appointed guardian . . . uggg! So at 3:30am I make make my way to the hospital, along the way I have to pull my car over 3 times to talk to the on-call guardian who I have success in reaching but some how the surgeon did not!

At 5:15am my manager and I hug and kiss W and tell her we will pray for her. Seems that she had a bowel obstruction and they had to do exploratory surgery to figure out what was going on. W has Cerebral Palsy and can not talk. She talks with her eyes, she looks up for yes, and side to side for no. She is very intelligent however can not walk or talk, she is literally trapped in her body. W is one of my daughter Autumn's favorite clients to visit!

At 6:00am I send my manager home and settle in for the wait. 7:30am comes and goes with no word. I have an attendant call to the OR, they are still operating and will let me know when their done. 8:00am, 9:00am . . . now we are all getting worried. I'm texting my supervisors and manager back and forth. Finally at 10:00am I ask them to call the OR again. The attendant tells me she's in ICU! WHAT!!!! I run up to ICU, the nurse tells me she has been there for an hour and out of surgery for an hour before that. I am pissed!!!!

W is awake and smiles when she sees me. This is why I love my job more than sleep. Knowing that I can bring comfort to someone who is defenseless is worth it. Teaching the nursing staff how W communicates is worth it. Educating the nurses about how just because someone has Cerebral Palsy like W and their body is twisted like a pretzel and they can't talk, does not mean they are necessarily mentally retarded, brings me joy. Holding W's hand while we watch the news together, warms my heart.

So the end of the story is that I never did get to talk to the surgeon or his resident. I even called the patient advocate and haven't heard back from her! It's ridiculous. If it was my son or daughter, mother or father, you bet I would have gotten a full report from the surgeon. But why did I not hear from the doctor? Is it because she lives in a group home? Is it because she is disabled? Is it because she had no family at the hospital? I hope not, I hope it was just a really really really stupid mistake on the doctors part.

So anyway, instead of sleeping I'm blogging. I figured something out today that I have forgotten. I really, really, really, love my job. I love working with the disabled. They make me smile. To some it is heart breaking. To some my work is "heroic", for some they just couldn't do it. "You do what?" some ask, you actually assist with toileting sometimes? "I couldn't do it" I hear.

To some they couldn't do it, to me I can't turn away. God knew what he was doing when he sent me to my agency 8+ years ago. He knew I could glorify Him through my work there.

I love my job . . . even more than sleep!