Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Lotion and a Weighted Blanket

So Autumn has hit a bump in the road. On Friday I received a call from her teacher stating that she had her head down the entire day and refused to take her spelling test. After school we left for Rayne's soccer tournament. We had a great weekend and Autumn was very well behaved. Of course I am not surprised she loves to travel and LOVES hotel rooms so of course she was all smiles. Sunday night we returned home and the wining and crying began . . . "I don't want to go to school!!!!"

Monday morning . . . the nightmare begins. She refused to wake up. I have to dress her like she's a two year old because she refuses to get dressed on her own. She cries the entire morning. Cries her way into the school building and managers to pull herself together enough to enter her class room.

On my way to work I prayed out loud. I asked the Holy Spirit to enter the class room and be with her and her teacher. Her teacher is a Christian so it makes me feel a little better know that I can call on some Divine power for him too!!!

Around 11:30am I received the dreaded phone call. Autumn was yet again refusing to do any work and instead of just having her head down she was now sitting on the floor refusing to move. All the other kids stepped over her and went to lunch. She refused to go to lunch. I explained to the teacher that I would not pick her up because that would be a reward for her. If it got any worse of course I would come but for now just let her sit. He agreed.

I picked her up at 3:30pm, we had a routine appointment with her psychiatrist which was a God sent. Autumn refused to talk to her doctor and went into the fetal position on the chair and covered herself with her coat. Her doctor is so great, smart, and knows how to handle Autumn. We discussed everything putting little bits of information into Autumn's head as she sat there and listened. We decided not to do any medication changes. She reminded me that Autumn has come so far and that this was a minor set back. She is so wise and I appreciate her so much.

I asked her doctor what do you do when a child is just plan oppositional when it comes to school and work. Basically her answer was this, you can not convince a child with ODD otherwise, it's best just to say, this is your job, it is the way life is, and you have to do it. I agree. Autumn does not respond well to "convincing", I'm going to use this. I have to go to work and so does Autumn, it's the way it is.

When we got home she was crying, spitting, drooling, and whining because she could not watch TV. I sent her down stairs explaining she made that choice by not behaving today. We went into my bedroom and I asked her to change into her pajamas, before she put them on I lay ed her down and gave her a massage to her arms and legs with sweet smelling lotion.

Instantly her mood changed. She stopped crying, dried off her face, and relaxed her muscles. It was amazing. I put two big pillows on the floor, she laid on her stomach and I put her beautiful weighted blanket I had hand-made for her last year on her body.

We then proceeded to complete all her work she refused to do that day. I wrote down most of her answers as she orally gave them to me.
It's a rough road but we got through it. Autumn woke up in a great mood and she asked for another lotion massage. I complied!!!! We walked into school with a smile. God is so good, and we rejoiced this morning as He gave us a new beginning!!!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

To Write Love On Her Arms

Today is "To Write Love On Her Arms" day. To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery. Please see http://www.twloha.com/.

This issue is very close to my heart. You see I struggle with depression. I have for years. I have also dabbled in self-injury. Today I have written LOVE on my arm. Here is my story.

I never knew I was a "cutter". We didn't have that label back in the early 90's, or if we did I had no clue. I have not shared this story with most people. Some people know about it but only a brief rendition. If my 14 year old daughter is reading this it will be an eye opener, I even thought of not writing this because she might read this but I feel strongly about this and I believe it can help her and her friends if anyone of them have these feelings. High school years are rough, that is when my story began. I started cutting back when I was in 9th grade. I realize now I was a drepressed teenager, I wish I knew the name for what I felt, I wish I had someone to talk to, I wish my parents picked up on the suddle signs of my depression. It began by me carving lines in my ankle, or my arm. I didn't do it much but maybe once a month, and mostly for attention.

My senior year was the roughest. Toward the end I went through a particularly rough incident and after that was the first (and last) time I cut myself not for attention purposes. I cut myself because I was in pain and I needed relief. I wasn't trying to kill myself I was trying to stop the pain. To most who have no knowledge about cutting this might seem strange, you might be asking, "Why would you hurt yourself if you wanted to stop hurting?" Below is a picture of me several days after I cut my wrist, you can see the cuts on my left arm (right side of the picture). You see to some feeling physical pain releaves emotional pain. That is how I was.

My parents noticed but I told them I fell up our concrete stairs.

They believed me.

I still have one faint scare on my wrist, this is where I wrote the word LOVE today. Since then I have been healed by the power of the Holy Spirit. God is so good. It took many years for this healing to take place. But it can happen. You don't have to go on living in the dark, in pain, in depression. You don't have to cut or harm yourself. God can heal you, He can love you, He can be your salvation. There is hope and help for you. Log on to
http://www.twloha.com/ they can help you.

Trade God your pieces for His PEACE.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him" - Romans 15:13

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Sunday and other news

So today was a struggle but it ends better. Yesterday I was soooo sick. I think I'm not eating enough protein so I'm extremely weak and there is even evidence that my hair is begining to thin, not good. I'm not surprised, lately I have been extremely stressed with work and home and friends that I have been eating all the wrong things. Although I don't eat much I have discovered that I can eat "crap" in small amounts without short term nausea. Short term is the key word. In the long term I am getting extremely sick, feel like crap, and either need to lay down or puke:(, yuck. So anyway that is how I went to bed and that is how I woke up. I also woke up trying to wake Autumn up who was right next to me in bed. Her first words to me were, "I don't want to go to church". I ignored her and rolled her out of bed.

To my surprise Rayne was up showered and ready for church, praise God!!! She ended up going to church with my sister Jill to help teach Sunday school. For the next hour until it was time for us to leave for church all I heard was a whiny voice saying "I don't want to go to church" about 255 times from Autumn. Finally I had had enough. I screamed from the kitchen, "I understand you don't want to go to church but you know what, Jesus did not want to suffer and be slaughtered for us so many years ago but he did because he had to and loves you, so get your butt dressed so we can go praise God!" We ended up getting to church and praising God, and Autumn was very well behaved . . . God is good.

I then went to Rayne's soccer game. She is awesome. She scored the 1st goal in the first 5 minutes. With 5 minutes to go til the end of the game Rayne shot a courner kick and assisted another player in scoring again. The NJSA 04 Blaze won 2-0. She is captain and has really shown great progress on this new team. I however forgot how cold 53 degrees is. We have 3 tournaments in the next 3 weeks, I better invest in some long-johns!!!!!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I apologize

I want to apologize to my friend who was the topic of my blog about heartache, quotes, and Obama. I offended her and her family and I this was truly not my intent. The Lord has placed on my heart a burning passion for injustice when it comes to race/ethnicity. I thought my blog was a place to reveal my heart but I am learning I must be more selective. Again I apologize and am seeking the forgiveness of those who I have offended.

Monday, November 3, 2008

When our brain fails us

Today my dad, uncle, and aunt moved my grandmother into a retirement home. Over the past year her Alzheimer's has gotten progressively worse, the last two months have been very trying. My grandmother is an awesome woman, she lost her husband 15 years ago and has loved him everyday since he left. This past year I have had the privilege of assisting my grandma with a shower every week. It gave me great joy to help her in this way. She still knows who we are but I know that will change over time, I just hope it doesn't happen soon. She thinks it's 1971 some days, at one point she was looking for my grandpa. She often wonders out of her house, and ever since we told her she was moving to a retirement home she has thought her house was the retirement home. It's very sad. I'm going to visit her tomorrow . . . I love her.